Parenting Proverbs
Parenting is the most challenging, rewarding, and frustrating thing that many of us will ever do in our lives. Type in “parenting books” on Amazon and you will get over 50,000 results. Every year more and more books come out on how to raise our children. Many of these books contradict each other and claim that other books are outdated. Never in the history of our planet have views and beliefs changed so quickly and radically.
In a world that is changing so quickly it is imperative that we hold on to things that will never change. Proverbs gives us wisdom in every area of life that is just as true now as it was thousands of years ago. Tim Keller’s God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life is a year-long devotional that focuses solely on the book of Proverbs. Parenting is one of the many topics covered.
From time to time it is important for us to take a step back, regroup, and refocus on what we are called to do. Tim Keller does a great job of helping us do that. This is a very brief recap of the parenting section of his book. ↓
Our Main Job
The primary job of parents is to teach their children right from wrong so they may become wise and righteous. We are not born innocent. We are born foolish; needing to be taught what is right and what is wrong. Do not fall for the trap of thinking that children must figure out for themselves what is right and what is wrong; this is our job as parents.
Everything we do as parents must be filtered through this primary objective. This one singular task that we are called to must take precedence over all other desires we have for our children.
How are we to do this?
Praise & Discipline
Teaching children right from wrong must be done in a way that brings mutual delight. Try to catch your child “doing good”. When you see them fight against the natural urges of sin, praise them. It is far easier to punish than to reward; yet Proverbs tells us to praise and delight in our children. Do not let little victories go unnoticed.
Yes, we are called to discipline our children. Proverbs goes so far as to say that if we do not discipline our children then we hate them. However, there is a certain way to discipline.
We are to discipline our children not in anger, but out of love. Discipline is designed to draw us towards what is right and away from what is wrong. Do not discipline simply to provoke your child to fear.
When we discipline our children we must try to do this when we are thinking clearly and speaking calmly. Do not punish when you are angry and do not make idle threats. Choose your words carefully and follow through on what you say. Anger can cause us to say things we do not mean or words we regret. It is much better to give consequences before we are angry or to take the time to calm down before we discipline.
We must discipline our children because the world is designed in a way that brings natural, painful consequences to the foolish. It is much better for our children to experience a little pain and discomfort now than tremendous suffering later.
Passing on Wisdom
There are 3 ways to pass our wisdom onto our children:
With our words — Prov. 4:3
By living a blameless life (be a model) — Prov. 20:7
By cherishing them. — Prov. 4:3
We must choose our words wisely; both when disciplining and praising.
Children do not always listen to their parents, but they do model them. Are you living a wise life? Are you making the choices that you hope your child will make some day? “Do as I say and not as I do” simply does not work. Yes, children may obey in the short run out of fear. However, if we want them to grow up to live wisely then we must model it.
Children need to feel unconditional love from their parents. They need to know that no matter what they do or say, your love for them will remain. The need to know that they are cherished.
No Guarantee
Raising our children in this manner is what we are called to do, and yet there is no guarantee that our children will grow up to be wise.
There are 3 factors that determine the way in which a child grows up: the hearts they were born with, the parenting they receive, and their own choices. As their parents we only have a say so in 1 of those 3. When we begin to see our teenagers, young adults, or adult children making foolish choices, it is important to understand that they are the ones making the choice.
“We can not always rescue our children from their foolish ways, but we can pray for them. We can pray to the God that changes hearts.”