Is your teenager more anxious than you were?
By Kari Buddenberg — Greenville Counseling Associates
"My daughter used to be so sweet and energetic, but lately she complains about stomach aches most days, worries about her grades, and spends all of her time in her bedroom." - Parent of a 12 year old 7th grader.
"Our son doesn't have many friends, refuses to get out of bed in the morning, and misses school often. His grades are suffering and we are concerned about his future." - Parents of a 17 year old senior
These are just a couple of examples of the growing concern parents have about their children's mental health. Experts are seeing a startling rise in anxiety among young people, with data showing a
significant increase between 2014 and 2022 for those aged 18-25.
There was a startling rise in anxiety among 18-25 year olds between 2014 and 2022. Experts offer differing explanations which include concerns about mass shootings, natural disasters, too much access to therapeutic influences, media, and nutrition. However, In his book, The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt identifies two specific factors contributing to the rise in anxiety among younger generations:
The influence of smartphones
Parental Safetyism
Platforms like Instagram and TikTok create environments where young people are exposed to a social media company’s algorithms designed with psychological strategies to hold their attention as long as possible. Children and teens are constantly comparing themselves to others, fear online missteps and humiliation, and create narratives for the watching world to judge with their likes and comments. Further pitfalls online include exposure to pornography and dangerous conspiracies. The results are social and sleep deprivation, attention issues, and addiction.
At the same time kids were handed smartphones, parenting styles evolved. Haidt discusses safetyism where parents closely monitor and control their children's real world experiences. While well-intentioned, this can prevent children from developing coping skills and mental strength to deal with failure. Learning to navigate challenges independently is crucial for building confidence, resiliency, and reducing anxiety. So while the kid's digital world was opening up with awe and wonder, their physical world was getting smaller and more fearful.
To reverse the tide, collective action will be required. Here are some ideas to get us started:
● Enjoy phone free meal times
● No phones in bedrooms for optimal sleep
● Delay social media participation until high school
● Go camping and give your kids space to explore
● Get to know your neighbors and their children - make your front yard a welcome place for unstructured free play
● Encourage summer jobs
● Rely on your teens to help with daily chores in your home
● Parents go first - create space daily with no smartphones. Allow yourself to feel bored.
If you resonate with the parents at the beginning of this article, there is hope. Therapist Adam Young encourages these overarching principles that help create greater emotional health in families: attune to your children’s feelings and respond with comfort and care, engage with intention, have strength to handle negative emotions, and repair after you get it wrong. Keep in mind you are not working toward perfection but rather learning and growing together in the process. However, to be available for these crucial face to face moments, both parents and children must learn to ignore the constant attention our smartphone’s demand.
Recommended Resources:
Book: The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewriging of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Johathan Haidt
Article: America’s Teenagers are Not OK by Derek Thompson in The
Atlantichttps://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2023/02/the-tragic-mystery-of-teenage-a nxiety/673076/
Podcast Episode: The Remnant with Jonah Goldberg: Episode from March 28, 2024 The Great Rewiring of Childhood
Podcast: Raising Boys and Girls with Sissy Goff, David Thomas, and Melissa Trevathan. Podcast: The Place We Find Ourselves with Adam Young
Blog post: When your Kids Look at Porn by Juli Slatter
https://www.authenticintimacy.com/when-your-kids-look-at-porn/