Embracing Limitations
By Jonathan Clayton — Greenville Counseling Associates
As a former coach, I have great appreciation for the way we can break through perceived limitations and work to refine our growth areas. But in the counseling office and in my own life as I get older, I have increasingly become aware of the unrealistically high expectations all around, both assumed by us and placed on us by others. These impede health and growth, more often robbing us of life and getting us stuck than prompting forward movement. I’m not talking good old high expectations or striving for excellence, but sets of responsibilities that no individual human being can handle in a healthy manner no matter how gifted.
When we do not embrace our limitations, there is an unhealthy cycle that unfolds with the following elements:
compounding stress from the unrealistically high (and therefore false) sense of responsibility in our roles and relationships,
broiling anger as part of us senses how unfair this situation is
the shadow of shame when we run into walls that remind us we cannot do it all
the spin of anxiety when we run back into the web of responsibilities, questioning how we are going to get all of this done
Look no further than the modern education system: up and out the door to quite early, nonstop classes until midafternoon, extracurricular activities until evening, a quick dinner and homework until time for bed. Rinse and repeat. Whether you are the student or the parent trying to manage such an unrelenting schedule, I believe it is clear if we are honest that this leaves little time for authentic personhood.
So how do we get out of this cycle?
Embracing limitations is not giving up, throwing in the towel, or ignoring our faults. It is acknowledging our humanness. It is choosing to make peace with the fact that we cannot do it all. It is a healthy sense of humility and a coming to terms with the fact that there is no pot of gold at the end of the to-do list, only more demands.
A crucial aspect of embracing our limitations is acknowledging what we are doing well as part of our humanness is also our unique giftedness, something the cycle outlined above has a sinister way of getting us to overlook. Utilizing our personal strengths with awareness of the weaknesses that inevitably come with them also opens us up to practice gratitude for the gifting of others and a recognition of our good need for community. When I can acknowledge my limitations, utilize my strengths, and not be afraid to reach out for help, I can live as a healthy human being despite how difficult that can seem in our frantic modern society at times.
For further reading: Kapic, You’re Only Human (2022)