Surviving Infertility
By Amanda Banks - Greenville Counseling Associates
The journey to parenthood can be unexpectedly challenging for many couples, a reality often hidden in silence. Infertility rates are increasing globally, underscoring the importance of open dialogue and comprehensive support. Seeking guidance from medical, mental health, and spiritual professionals have all proven to be helpful for couples navigating this path.
What is Infertility?
Infertility is a medical term used when a couple is unable to conceive or unable to carry a pregnancy to term after “trying” for 12 months. For women 35 years of age or older this timeline is reduced to 6 months of trying. Primary and Secondary Infertility are two different types of infertility. Primary infertility is when a couple has not been able to conceive once. Secondary Infertility is when a couple has conceived once and struggling to conceive again. (Fertilityfamily.co.uk).
According to Fertility Answers, 1 in 8 couples have trouble getting pregnant. This translates to 6.7 million people each year experiencing infertility. There are many factors that can cause infertility. Studies have found male infertility contributes to one-third of cases, female infertility to another third, both partners to the remaining third, with one-tenth of cases due to unknown cause.
Mental Health and Infertility:
There is a strong connection between stress and infertility. Alice Domar notes in her book Conquering Infertility: “Women who are highly stressed and depressed are less likely to become pregnant. Stress can cause a vicious cycle of being stressed trying to get pregnant and then not being able to conceive causes more stress. Stress can leave you physically fatigued, overwhelmed, burned out, cause change in your body’s biochemistry and rhythms.” According to psychiatry.com, “Up to 40% of women experiencing infertility have a psychiatric diagnosis, most often depression or anxiety”. These statistics show the importance of prioritizing mental and emotional wellbeing as much as taking care of our physical wellbeing when trying to conceive.
Helpful ways to cope with infertility:
Building a strong support network for you and your spouse is crucial to coping with the anxiety that often accompanies infertility. Isolation can intensify feelings as our emotions can fester in darkness and grow to become all consuming. Let others in by sharing your experiences with your spouse, friends, or trusted confidants, such as a pastor, mentor, or counselor. If you are seeking medical treatment, research your options and advocate for yourself to get answers to your questions. Create a comprehensive treatment team including medical professionals, social support system, prayer support system, mental health providers, and fertility doulas or coaches.
Tips for Lowering Stress:
Journal your emotions of sadness, hurt, anger, anxiousness, loneliness and give yourself grace to feel things and not beat yourself up
Affirmations: be kind to yourself with your thoughts: You are strong and brave to walk through this journey
Movement: move your body for fun to get endorphins up
Breathing Exercises: a way to take deep breaths to help you relax and be in the moment when you are highly anxious
Gratitude Journal: can help you focus on positive things in your life
Listen to uplifting music and memorize scripture to keep us hopeful and encouraged
Treat yourself through the process to a fun treat or activity
Take a break when you are feeling too overwhelmed and burned out. It is ok to take a break from treatments so you can get back on your feet
Praying through Infertility:
My own personal journey of infertility shed so much light into my desire to be in control of my life. The longer our journey, the more discouraged and stressed I felt. It was through personal prayer and petitioning others to pray that I was able to let go of my desire to be in the driver’s seat. Cultivating a heart of prayer helped me see more of God’s perspective. Through this lens I was able to find true rest in knowing I was not alone, and He had a greater plan for me. I also turned to the Bible and found comfort in reading about many mighty women that also struggled and cried out to the Lord for help. As I read about Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth’s stories, I observed women who were honest about their desires and emotions as they laid them down at the Lord’s feet. He met them in their times of despair and gave them comfort. I had to remind myself of the verse Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. This verse helped me captivate my anxious thoughts and find Peace in Him despite my circumstances. It gave me a renewed hope in knowing that I am not alone.