Boredom: A Thrilling Reconciliation
By Bryce Nelson — Greenville Counseling Associates
Through subtle messaging and cultural norms, our American heritage has shaped our particular view of boredom. But what if we’ve been told a lie which we’ve swallowed whole—a lie which has conditioned us in unhealthy ways… Maybe we’ve gotten boredom all wrong.
What’s the Problem?
Over the past century, in a country of abundance, we’ve all developed a contentious relationship with boredom—we don’t like it and we think it’s bad. And in 2024, we might even be allergic to it.
To be fair, it takes two to tango. In our culture, everything is fighting for our time. Everything is aiming to direct our attention, to entertain us, to stimulate us. “You don’t have to be bored,” our culture says. “Boredom’s an old trend, a relic of more primitive times.”
We are also taught, as we grow up, to be productive. Laziness and inaction are frowned upon—“you shouldn’t have time to be bored." And to complicate our situation even further, we sometimes worry that we are boring, or worry that we might be seen as boring by our family, friends, and colleagues.
Then we find ourselves (most likely in a state of boredom), scrolling social media, and these worries about boredom and being boring get reinforced, because social media bombards us with photos and videos of other people who don’t look bored or boring. They look fun, and popular, and happy…
Our relationship with boredom is quite messy and convoluted, and it can lead us towards discouragement and inner-madness.
What are the Consequences?
If we don’t like boredom and have developed an allergy to it, it will be very easy for us to live a life of restless striving. By restless striving, I’m referring to a specific posture and way of life, where we stuff our time and our minds with recreational junk food, with past-times that are not generative or nourishing. This restless striving, which might seem well-intentioned at first, leads to a malnourished soul, even though we might always be ‘on the go’ and become quite skilled in filling our days with various past-times. We run the risk of becoming malnourished with purpose and creativity, and we’ll still groan and suffer despite all the excess that surrounds us.
If we think boredom is bad, we might be filled with unnecessary guilt and shame. It’s quite easy for us, when we’re stationary and believe we should be doing something, or when we’re comparing ourselves to others, to experience negative emotions and uncomfortable internal states. In other words—if we have a contentious relationship with boredom, or perceive it in a negative light, guilt and shame will find their way in. And in our desire to avoid the guilt and the shame, we might find ourselves doing things we don’t necessarily like or are interested in. And this can prevent us from meaningful rest.
What are the Solutions?
Boredom is a natural part of life on earth. It’s here to stay, and maybe that’s a good thing. If boredom isn’t going anywhere, then, and many of our attempts to avoid it lead to unhealthy consequences, immunotherapy will involve a changed perspective regarding boredom, a reconciliation of sorts, and new approaches to use it in daily life for our benefit.
Acceptance - Acceptance is the ability to identify boredom and accept it as a common human experience. And by accepting this boredom, we fight against the impulse to find stimulation, which tends to manifest in the restless striving and recreational junk food we discussed earlier.
Sensuality - Sensuality is a posture of using our senses in the environment we find ourselves in, and intentionally not searching elsewhere—which would be the restless striving, the posture of constant movement. Stimulation is available wherever we are, in every room, in every building, in every moment; but we have to make a conscience effort to be present and attune ourselves to the current environment in order for this to work. This will take some effort, especially when our phones are always close by or tucked away in our pockets. When we practice sensuality, however, and build that skill over time, we’ll begin to see things we hadn’t perceived before. We’ll begin to hear things we hadn’t noticed before. And we’ll begin feel things again too, in new and deeper ways.
Purpose - Purpose is about aligning ourselves with a tradition, a non-profit, a ministry (Anything that feels bigger than oneself). The purpose we attain from these altruistic endeavors and communities make it easier to bear the boredom when it manifests in daily life. Purpose is also about digging roots and a foundation in a particular location and not looking elsewhere. The grass is green enough, so to speak. We already have everything we need, right here, right now.
Creativity - When we accept boredom and refuse to flee from that environment, we limit ourselves intentionally. This creates a scarcity and it forces us to be creative and resourceful, to use what’s already available to us and to make the most of it.
Endings & Reconciliations
Our modern culture has deceived us. We’ve vilified boredom and as a consequence lost parts of our humanity: Our sense of place and time and our sensuality, our purpose, and our creativity. We need to make amends and develop a healthier relationship with boredom, and in so doing reclaim our humanity and begin building a new heritage. Boredom can become, over time, a positive signal, a signal of a simplified life, a quieter life, a more purposeful life, and an opportunity for creativity. Boredom might be the counter-cultural shift we all need right now.